As we come to the end of the school year, many of us are thinking ahead to summer. Not only does summer represent an end to one experience, but it is also the start of a new experience. For some, the end of school will also involve a move to a new country. For those of us who stay, this involves saying goodbye to people who have shared a significant part of our life. If we are the ones moving, the transition is contextualized by all the work required to move countries as well as attempts to find closure. If we are the people staying, the departure of those who have shared our lives might involve feelings of loss. Friends moving on can have a great impact both on those who move and those who say goodbye. With this in mind, there are a few concepts to think about that will help the move lead to positive growth and outcomes both for those moving and those left behind.  In the middle school counseling office we will support the students who are moving by discussing the RAFT transition model.

Dr. David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken observed and conducted research with third culture families. They are considered experts on the care that is needed before, during, and after a transition. The change model called RAFT was created by their observations of decades of expatriate individuals and families as they transitioned from country to country. RAFT is an acronym that stands for Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell, and Think Destination. Dr. Pollock and Ruth Van Reken found that those individuals or families that “built a RAFT” transitioned better. The model is also beneficial for those staying as part of the expatriate life, involving learning how to cope with goodbyes.  

Reconciliation refers to asking for or seeking forgiveness for behaviors and emotions that one has held onto. This process helps free us physically, emotionally, and mentally. Reconciliation is for both simple and complex tasks. A simple example might involve a child finally turning in all the library books that they have been hanging onto. A complex example might involve a child apologizing for a hurtful failed joke said in a previous grade to a friend. Reconciliation is also an important task for those who are staying with a friend leaving. The basic idea here is that we leave a relationship free from any negative emotional baggage.

Affirmation is similar to reconciliation in that it might involve both simple and complex examples. A simple example of affirmation is taking the time to say thank you before the end of the year to significant people in one’s life prior to ending the school year. A more complex example of affirmation involves telling a significant friend or teacher how much they meant to them. When discussing this idea with students, we talk about how we often assume friends and significant people in our lives know we care about them and to not let that assumption stop them from expressing affirmation. Often the departee needs to make a conscious effort to share affirmations or plan for time when they will do so, or the end of the year will come before they have the chance to deliver the affirmation. We also discuss with the children how the affirmation might become the last visual memory the recipient has of them and thus becomes a great way to leave positive memories. 

Farewell involves creating a moment or event that provides one last moment with a significant friend or person. Creating a “last time event” often helps one build closure. The event might present an opportunity to share reconciliations and affirmations as well. These events can be shared amongst family memories and thus can create a new common memory to refer to in the future home. 

Think destination refers to the process of looking forward to the possibilities of the new location and experience. Hopefully the experience in the departure location has been good and full of positive meaning. There are significant things, activities, and people the departees will leave. Negative feelings concerning the future loss of these things is natural. When feelings are overwhelming, it can be helpful to distract oneself from the negative feedback loop thinking about future loss. Rather, thinking about what you are going towards is a healthy way to escape the negative feedback loop. An example of this when talking to children could sound like helping the student identify that while they might not have access to a pool all year, they are able to experience exercising in cooler weather. For those of us who are experiencing the loss of a departee, thinking about life with other friends who are staying and future activities help us cope well. 

The feeling surrounding moving can run the gamut of emotions. Any move can create a significant emotional response. If you are a family moving, emphasizing each other as your core supportive system, experiencing change together, and supporting each other along the way is important. That said, we are also social beings. Making sure we transition well with our peers is vital for a healthy adjustment. If further assistance is needed, please reach out to your grade level counselor or teachers.