“I’m concerned when kids grow up with affluence because there’s often a lack of opportunities for hardships which are necessary for developing character…”

These sentiments, shared by retired Navy Seal Andy Stumpf, were part of a presentation given to SAS students on the topic of leadership. With stories from his years as a Navy Seal including Basic Underwater Demolition Seals-Training (BUDS), deployments, suffering loss, and raising awareness and financial support for families of fallen soldiers, Mr. Stumpf spoke of the importance of goal setting, avoiding ego, perseverance, and teamwork. As he dispensed pearls of wisdom, I reflected on the kids in the audience, wondering what challenges will they encounter and what sort of supports they need to face the future. I already knew part of the answer to my question. It was in my office in the form of a 160-page report titled Developmental Assets: A Profile of Our Youth.

As part of the ongoing work supporting our 2020 strategic plan of pastoral care, SAS partnered with the Search Institute to understand what factors, termed “developmental assets,” influence healthy growth among adolescents. For the past 20 years, the Search Institute has surveyed over three million youth about how they experience developmental assets. Developmental assets consist of 20 internal and 20 external assets including support, empowerment, boundaries and expectations, constructive use of time, commitment to learning, positive values, social competencies, and positive identity. The more assets teens have, the healthier outcomes they’re I to experience entering adulthood.

What’s the glue that promotes and sustains all the developmental assets? Answer: Relationships. After decades of forming hypotheses, conducting surveys, crafting and rewriting definitions, analyzing data, and writing journal articles, Search Institute researchers and practitioners have arrived at a surprisingly simple conclusion: Nothing…nothing has more impact in the life of a child than positive relationships (Benson, 2010).

The Search Institute has identified six areas for supporting healthy adolescent/adult relationships.

Seeing teens for who they are. What does it mean for a teen to be seen by a teacher? A major national survey asked 15-year olds, “When an adult gets you what are adults doing?”Answers include listening to them; being honest with them; showing up and being dependable; remembering earlier talks and recalling information in present conversations; laughing at their jokes; and setting higher standards. All of this is common sense, but it’s not always common practice. Educators and parents who are intentional about seeing kids produce some of the most engaging classes and vibrant young adults.

Providing opportunities for teens to move out of their comfort zones. Challenging a teen to do something they’ve never done before, having every reason to be afraid, and yet encouraging them to step into the unknown provides opportunities for them to grow. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy (Martin Luther King, Jr.). At SAS the unknown may include Catalyst projects, varsity sports, Advanced Topic courses, internships, student government, Interim Semester experiences, and a myriad of other school-related activities that allow kids to step beyond their comfort zones.

Helping teens cultivate a vision of their future self and connecting it to the present. Who do teens see themselves becoming and what active steps are they taking to transform this into reality? Teens tend to project their current status as static or fixed. The challenges parents and educators face include helping kids plan ahead, forge a path, and embrace the uncertainties. This involves helping children understand that the choices they make today will affect who they become tomorrow.

Providing emotional care. Teens don’t care what adults know, until they know that adults care. If schools aren’t intentional about supporting emotional wellbeing and creating a culture of empathy and concern, then kids won't have healthy relationships, no matter how intentional schools are about promoting academic pursuits. Relationships and emotional care are not a means to an end—they are the end! When schools focus on cultivating hearts, kids thrive in all areas, including academics. This is true for adults as well. Schools must be intentional about fostering a caring school climate that extends well beyond the books, tests, and projects.

Having teachers who acknowledge, “We’re on this journey together.” Do kids have an awareness that their teachers are getting something healthy from their interactions with them? Think for a moment about your most memorable teachers. Chances are these individuals were much more than content experts. They too were learners on a journey with you. They talked about their lives, shared parts of their adolescent/ adult experiences, invited you to laugh at and with them, and made you feel like you were filling part of their need for humanity. Psychologist Carl Jung notes, “One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings.” The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.

Increasing the autonomy of the young person. Are schools providing an increasing youth voice to make choices and determine their outcome and autonomy? In education circles, this is termed individualized learning. What active steps are schools taking to provide teenagers with opportunities to demonstrate knowledge in a myriad of ways, beyond traditional educational practices? Herein lies the difficulty. How much foundational knowledge is necessary before allowances are made for individual exploration? Increasingly this question is being asked in education circles. A challenge schools face is determining what the foundation will be prior to individual exploration. These are often spirited discussions involving students, parents, educators, administrators, and the greater community. What’s becoming increasingly clear is schools that don’t make allowances for individualized learning are being relegated as antiquated, industrial, and lacking innovation.

Why do relationships matter? I sometimes work with students who attempt to harm themselves. Sadly, it’s a part of the work I wish I didn’t have to address, but I do. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among persons ages 10 to 14, second among persons ages 15 to 24. As I listen to teens stories of pain, hurt, and heartache, I often wonder, “What’s the ‘glue’ sustaining them?” That is, who are the people in their lives that are helping them stay safe for now? I ask this because I know what it takes to help keep kids safe. The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health surveyed more than 90,000 students in grades nine through 12 and found that a student feeling of connectedness was the number one protective factor against suicidal behavior. Parents, who are those individuals in your child’s life supporting their sense of connectedness? As a school community, we’re committed to supporting and sustaining a caring school climate for all stakeholders. Relationship building isn’t a program; it’s a mindset. It’s about being intentional in the ways we serve hearts and minds. This is a dynamic process, one requiring continual cultivation, care, and concern.